The filmmaker reminisces wistfully on the homosexual relationships he formed during his military service. A year in the army, the filmmaker measured his days with strokes of lines in his diary. Then to the intimate “partner” and himself, without a word exchanged, concluding to the only ending: They will never see each other again after military service.
As in the dark bottom of the pit, all these inevitable loss and despair have forced the filmmaker to inquest and revisit every little aspect in his life: the way of desire, extreme loneliness, cowardice, and emptiness. In his aimless inquisition, he has been pushed to the edge between the void and life that he has reached, and expected.
The filmmaker, who comes from an average Taiwanese family, constantly tries to understand in this cinematic monologue how it all began. The video archives of his childhood are shown like pages torn from a diary. A diary peppered with a series of drawings that express with a certain violence when the images and off-camera sounds are enshrouded in a soft and sunny melancholy.
Like the child he reveals to us, both innocent and fragile when he shows himself in front of his mother’s camera, the filmmaker daydreams about what kind of man he would like to be within the extremely controlling society that has placed him among the invisible.
Doc Alliance is a creative partnership of 7 key European documentary film festivals. Our aim is to advance the documentary genre, support its diversity and promote quality creative documentary films.